I am planning to travel by bicycle. I expect to leave Pittsburgh at the end of March, and ride my bike many places. I hope to keep going until I don’t want to be going anymore.
This plan was easy to make. It is not hard to look at a map and say, Yes, I’d like to go to these places, and maybe these ones, too. Or even to look closer, and say, Hmm, maybe these roads will be good to ride on. That said, while there are a few places and rough dates I’m aiming for, nothing is set in stone, I’ll probably do a lot of using good judgement, turning on whims, and asking local advice. I’m trying not to depend on a guess about how I’ll feel a few months down the line, it is good to leave room to make choices then.
The hard part is leaving. I’ve known when I wanted to go for almost six months, and it has felt so far off for so long. Now, with only a few weeks left, I’m pushing to finish projects, convince everyone I know not to expect anything from me, get rid of the useless things I own, decide what things should come with me, or that I’d like to be waiting for me when I some day settle down again, who will take care of my garden…
Goals? They feel pretty vague right now. Mostly I just want to go, and while that feels right from home, I expect I’ll want more structure after I’m on the road for a few weeks. I’ve been getting frustrated with a lot that I’m involved with lately and really feeling the need to step back, think about what I’m doing and how I can be effective. I feel like I’m in a relatively good position to leave, to visit places I’ve been wanting to get to, to take some time away from the place I’ve considered home, and I feel secure enough to walk away hoping I can start again when I need to.
Consequent to my upcoming departure, I’ve begun to mentally check out of many of the things I am involved with. I’m having more trouble caring, I worry more or less or about different things… I don’t know. I’m fading away, for better or worse.